


Matsushige

by nomical



Category: Cabin Pressure
Genre: Canon Compliant, Dialogue-Only, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, MJN Air
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-22 19:50:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9622967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nomical/pseuds/nomical
Summary: Arthur makes a friend, Martin defends his decision to put cats in knitwear, Douglas spends a lot of time on origami forums, and Carolyn is the only one doing her damn job. So business as usual.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Miss_M](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_M/gifts).



> Written for my dear [Miss_M](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_M) who suggested the delightful prompt: Someone smuggles (knowingly or not) an exotic animal on-board, legal, security, medical and/or slapstick chaos ensues. A mechanical, passenger- or smuggled-goods-caused problem arises and is solved during a journey.
> 
> I hope this is to your liking <3\. Big thanks to W for the beta and to the mods for organizing.
> 
> Standard disclaimer: Cabin Pressure and its characters are the intellectual property of John Finnemore, Pozzitive Productions, and the BBC. Sadly I make zero profit off this.

Arthur: Uh, chaps. You haven’t seen the cat, have you?

Douglas: And which cat would that be: Tony the Tiger? Garfield? The Cat in the Hat? I’m afraid I don’t know which one of those is _the_ cat.

Arthur: No, none of those. The little grey and white one I picked up in Matsushige.

Martin: What do you mean _picked up_?

Douglas: Well, it usually involves wrapping your arms around the object you wish to move and-

Martin: Yes, thank you, Douglas. Arthur – you didn’t seriously bring a cat on board GERTI, did you?

Arthur: Yes, I did.

Martin: Arthur, you can’t just bring a strange cat on board! It’s illegal!

Arthur: It’s not a strange cat! It’s really friendly.

Martin: You know what I mean! There are procedures you have to go through when transporting animals. They need shots and things. You remember what we had to go through with the cat we took to Abu Dhabi.

Douglas: As I recall, you nearly killed it and we had to divert to Deauville.

Martin: I mean what happened after that. They had to put the cat in quarantine because the owner hadn’t gotten its Canpora vaccination.

Douglas: To be fair, the owner wouldn’t have needed that vaccination had we not diverted to Deauville, as Canpora isn’t required for cats in Abu Dhabi.

Martin: The point is, Arthur, there are rules and regulations surrounding the transportation of animals.

Arthur: Oh right. I didn’t know. Does that mean I’m going to prison?

Martin: Well they probably won’t arrest you; just make you pay a fine or something.

Douglas:  Unless…

Martin: Unless?

Douglas: What if Arthur _didn’t_ bring the cat on board?

Martin: And what, it got itself a boarding pass and went through customs?

Douglas: Or it wandered on while we were loading.

Martin: Oh.

Arthur: But if I didn’t do it, does that mean they’re going to arrest the cat instead?

Douglas: No one is getting arrested. When we land, we’ll simply turn the cat over to the animal control officers with an apologetic shrug of our shoulders for bringing them a surprised guest for the month.

Arthur: Oh good.

Martin: What on earth do you want a cat for anyway?

Arthur: Oh, it’s not for me. Herc’s daughter’s birthday is coming up and I thought, well who doesn’t want a pet for their birthday?

Martin: Me, I don’t.

Arthur: _Skip_.

Martin: When would I have the time or money to take care of a cat? I barely have the money to look after myself.

Arthur: Cats aren’t expensive! You just need to give them food and water, and one of those is free!

Martin: Water isn’t free.

Arthur: Yeah it is.

Martin: No, it isn’t.

Arthur: What, do you taps run off a coin machine?

Douglas: Mine take credit.

Martin: Douglas.

Arthur: Really?

Martin: No, he’s joking. But besides food and water you have to pay vet bills, buy the litter, the bedding, and the clothes.

Douglas: Clothes?

Martin: Yes, clothes.

Douglas: For the fashionable cat on the go?

Martin: No, in case it gets cold and they’re trapped outside.

Douglas: Abu Dhabi really did a number on you, didn’t it?

Martin: That has nothing to do with it.

Douglas: Regardless, I think the cat’s cleaning bill would be significantly less than yours, unless you plan on dressing your cat in matching outfits.

Martin: I’ve told you before, if I could wash it at home I would, but the manufacturer’s label said dry clean only.

Douglas: I should think so. Machine washing might remove some of that gold braid, and then how would anyone know you’re the captain?

Arthur: What about you Douglas? Are you a cat person?

Douglas: No, I never had much time for pets.

Martin: What, never? Not even when you were a kid?

Douglas: Well, I did have a goldfish, but only for a week.

Martin: It died so soon?

Douglas: Nah, I swapped it for a BB gun.

Martin: Of course you did. And let me guess: you swapped the tank for the bullets?

Douglas: The food, actually. I swapped the tank for a bag of Jelly Babies.

Martin: That explains so much.

Arthur: By the way, Douglas, what is it you’re smuggling this week?

Douglas: I’m glad you asked, Arthur.

Martin: Try not to sound so gleeful about it.

Douglas: This week’s risky business comes from a Madame Réjanne Blais who’s dearest wish is to add to her already impressive origami collection. Madame Blais already possesses all of the animals in the Chinese zodiac, save for the elusive rat. As the central figure in the legend, Madam Blais wants to make this particular piece the jewel of her collection; and who better to turn to than Japanese folding master Yuki Matsuka.

Martin: So you’re not smuggling, you’re just picking up her commission.

Douglas: Save for the part where she’s not paying any of the exorbitantly high import tax on this one of a kind masterpiece.

Martin: Ah.

Douglas: And I had to use, let’s call it an unusual tactic to even meet with Mr. Matsuka.

Martin: Oh?

Douglas: You see, Mr. Matsuka has all but withdrawn from public life. It’s very difficult to arrange an appointment with him, let along get him to agree to a commission.

Martin: Spare us the tale of your brilliance and get to the point.

Douglas: The point is, to the astute observer, Mr. Matsuka’s weakness is very obvious.

Martin: Read his blog did you?

Douglas: The fan forums thank you very much.

Martin: But how did you do it?

Douglas: Well, it turns out the key to Mr. Matsuka’s cooperation is through his cat.

Martin: His cat?

Douglas: Yes.

Arthur: I bet Mr. Matsuka would like a cat for his birthday.

Douglas: I doubt it, he’s pretty devoted to the one he has now. So much so, that he uses it as a judge of character.

Martin: How so?

Douglas: If you’re lucky enough to be granted an audience with Mr. Matsuka, it will be in his private residence, where his cat will be sat on the couch beside him. If the cat shows no interest in you, he cuts the meeting short and your request is denied. If the cat deigns to sniff you, he will consider your request. If the cat jumps on your lap and demands attention, you are friends for life.

Martin: And let me guess; the cat liked you?

Douglas: Had him eating out of the palm of my hand – quite literally.

Arthur: Wow, you’re like the Crocodile Hunter, but for cats! The Catodile Hunter!

Martin: So how did you do it?

Douglas: Whatever do you mean?

Martin: Unless you suddenly developed never before seen psychic feline powers, how was it that you got this cat to fall for you?

Douglas: Clearly it took a karmic reading and determined that I’m pure as new fallen snow.

Martin: Says the man actively smuggling illegal goods across continents.

Douglas: Fair enough. I lined the inside of my trousers with cat grass.

Martin: Douglas!

Douglas: What? It’s completely harmless. Kitty has a nice afternoon buzz, Madame Blais gets her origami rat, and I get a hefty reward. Everybody wins!

Martin: Speaking of, where is this prized rat it was worth ruining a pair of trousers for?

Douglas: It’s in the cabin. And with the amount Madame Blais is paying, I can afford to ruin quite a few more pairs of trousers.

*door click*

Carolyn: Arthur, why is there a cat strewing shredded paper all over my airplane?

Arthur: What?

Douglas: … _What_?

Carolyn: There is currently a gorgeous Persian cat having the time of its life running up and down the aisle with the soggy remains of some kind of handicraft hanging from it’s mouth. And since this is a completely ludicrous thing to be happening, I thought I’d go directly to the source.

Martin: The rat must have come into contact with the catnip.

Arthur: Right…I’ll just go and get it, shall I?

Douglas: Arthur, if that cat has destroyed my one of a kind Matsuka rat, I’m-

Martin: Going to be very sad about it and explain to Madame Blais why she’ll just have to seduce the cat herself like all the other customers. Go on, Arthur.

*door click*

Douglas: But he-

Martin: Isn’t the one who left it lying about in the cabin.

*door click*

Douglas: No. But he _is_ the one who kidnapped Mr. Matsuka’s prized Persian.

*flying transition*

Carolyn: Well that was a first.

Douglas: Yes.

Martin: Which, considering all the reason we’ve had to divert in the past is pretty impressive.”

Douglas: Yes.

Martin: At least Mr. Matsuka thought we had found his cat rather than kidnapped it.

Arthur: And he made you another paper rat!

Carolyn: The price of which will just about cover the cost of the fuel we wasted returning the cat.

Douglas: …Yes.

Arthur: Still, at least the cat won’t be arrested now. Though I suppose I’ll have to come up with another birthday present. Unless…Douglas?

Douglas: Hmm?

Arthur: Could I borrow your trousers?


End file.
